An actual conversation with a customer at about 7:25 Friday night:
"Hey, wasn't Beverly Hills Chihuahua supposed to start at 7:15?"
"Yes... Is there a problem?"
"Well, it's not a movie. It's just all commercials. Like. For upcoming movies and stuff."
"Um... Those are previews. That's what happens before a movie. .. Always."
"So... ... ... ... ... The movie will come on?"
"... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ...Yes. It's. Yes."
Ignoring the obvious issue that this man has clearly not seen a moving picture since 1942, I would like to address the more disturbing point here: The film that was so incredibly irresistible, that was finally able to light a fire under his ass to make his way to a theater, was none other than BEVERLY HILLS CHIHUAHUA.
The numbers that turned out for this movie are a dismal comment on our society.
Recent movie reviews:
Ghost Town: Worth It.
Ricky Gervais is hilariously awkward. Confession- I am afraid I will turn into his character someday.
Miracle At St. Anna: Worth It.
It was definitely a little scatterbrained. John Leguizamo was on the screen for about a minute and a half in the beginning, and his character was never referenced again- confusing in a film of no-name actors. Maybe not Spike Lee's greatest. That said, it was still a moving story. True, it's a bit long (at 2 hours and 50 minutes), but it never feels like it's dragging. Look at it this way: you'll actually get your money's worth for once.
Blindness: Time-Killer.
There was a neat concept behind this movie, but they could have done more with it. It tried to address issues such as anarchy and how people fall in and out of love when they can't see (as an old black man with an eye patch and a beautiful young Hispanic woman fall for each other), but it didn't explore these or the disease itself enough. Toward the end it really had the feeling of a story that was running too long and had been edited down to time, losing important details in the process. Gael Garcia Bernal, though a memorable prick, was not enough to save this film.
The Duchess: Worth It.
I think we've all had about enough of Keira Knightley in period films, but this film was still interesting and enjoyable. It was a refreshing dose of reality in a world where love tends to overcome all by the end of the story.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
Another bandwagon to jump on
I'm finally succumbing to building pressure to start a blog. I will not commit to update in a timely manner, and you can't make me.
Here's how the ratings work:
"Movie Fail"- Not even worth the time it takes to watch it.
Examples: Dead Silence, Gigli
"Don't Encourage Them"- ...Or they'll just make more movies like this. It's as terrible as the stale-ass popcorn you paid enitrely too much for. But if your heart is set on it for whatever reason, consider waiting for the DVD. Hell, maybe even sneak past Awkward McPimples at the theater* or buy a bootleg. But for the love of God, do not pay for a ticket.
Examples: Shanghai Noon, most Nicholas Cage movies
"Time-Killer"- Possibly worth watching if you have nothing better to do, but you might want to catch the matinée. Or see it at night, but don't take anyone you're trying to impress with your sophisticated taste in movies.
Examples: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, What Happens In Vegas
"Worth It"- Actually deserving of the time and money you invest. Maybe not cinema at its finest, but you won't be sorry if you pass your Saturday evening watching this.
Examples: Borat, Disturbia, Blades of Glory
"FTW"- Oh, you're too cool to know anyone that plays WoW? It means "for the win." This movie is fucking fantastic! See this one stat- everyone will be talking about it. If they aren't, you'll seem even cooler for being part of the elite. Win-win.
Examples: 300, Capote, Little Miss Sunshine
*Just know that if you get caught, you will likely be humiliated. We in the theater business prefer to take out all our frustrations with the shitty economy, or the epic hangover we're currently suffering, or walking in on the significant other banging the cable guy, etc. on the people we kick out. Just like that cop that was a total dick to you last week when he gave you a ticket for going seven over the speed limit.
Movie hop at your own risk.
Here's how the ratings work:
"Movie Fail"- Not even worth the time it takes to watch it.
Examples: Dead Silence, Gigli
"Don't Encourage Them"- ...Or they'll just make more movies like this. It's as terrible as the stale-ass popcorn you paid enitrely too much for. But if your heart is set on it for whatever reason, consider waiting for the DVD. Hell, maybe even sneak past Awkward McPimples at the theater* or buy a bootleg. But for the love of God, do not pay for a ticket.
Examples: Shanghai Noon, most Nicholas Cage movies
"Time-Killer"- Possibly worth watching if you have nothing better to do, but you might want to catch the matinée. Or see it at night, but don't take anyone you're trying to impress with your sophisticated taste in movies.
Examples: Mr. and Mrs. Smith, What Happens In Vegas
"Worth It"- Actually deserving of the time and money you invest. Maybe not cinema at its finest, but you won't be sorry if you pass your Saturday evening watching this.
Examples: Borat, Disturbia, Blades of Glory
"FTW"- Oh, you're too cool to know anyone that plays WoW? It means "for the win." This movie is fucking fantastic! See this one stat- everyone will be talking about it. If they aren't, you'll seem even cooler for being part of the elite. Win-win.
Examples: 300, Capote, Little Miss Sunshine
*Just know that if you get caught, you will likely be humiliated. We in the theater business prefer to take out all our frustrations with the shitty economy, or the epic hangover we're currently suffering, or walking in on the significant other banging the cable guy, etc. on the people we kick out. Just like that cop that was a total dick to you last week when he gave you a ticket for going seven over the speed limit.
Movie hop at your own risk.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
