On safe-guarding your identity and possessions

I would like to take this opportunity to advise one and all to carry their ID on their person at all times.

I am consistently astounded by the percentage of customers who, when asked to present an ID, claim to have left it in the car or at home. Now sure, some of them just aren't old enough to get into the "R" rated movie and are trying to play it cool, but at least some of these people have to be telling the truth.

In the car? Really? In a shopping center that sees at least three break-ins on any given weekend? WHY would you leave anything but trash (or something religious to deter theft*) in the car?

Also on that note, do NOT see a movie in the ghetto and leave your tricked-out Escalade with rims and a state-of-the-art stereo unattended in the parking lot for any amount of time after dark. You are asking for trouble. Don't be surprised when, upon finding all your shit stolen, you run panicking back into the theater and no one has any sympathy for you. You're wasting your time anyway- All we can do is call the police, and guess what? They won't come. They will tell you to take your happy ass downtown and fill out a report yourself. All units in your zip code are too busy chasing gas station robbers through back yards with aid from the ghetto bird (er, for those of you from the burbs, the police helicopter).

If you decide to take your chances because the ghetto theater is closer or has the showtime you want, please guard your belongings carefully. Do not set your purse down in the stall with you in the bathroom; hang it on the door. Clutch your tickets and/or 3D glasses tightly. Try to look like you are on welfare if possible. Who knows? It could just save your MP3 player.




*While crosses, crescents, and the like help, I suggest as many holy books as possible left in plain view. Preferably from different religions. Clearly anyone studying Christianity, Islam, Buddhism, and the Tao is enlightened and likely has the Supernatural on their side.


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